Hi UI3s

A general problem in all pieces of writing is the use of passive; you all either do not use it or your passive structures are not correct.

Mistakes are in Italics. Corrections in Bold.


Hi Fatemeh
Nice writing and one of the most actives in the blog. Just pay more attention to sentence structure and try not to think in Farsi but in English, your sentences will be more beautiful...

I love the way you start and finish your writing, it means you have pretty good organization in your wiring....
Cheers
fatima said...

Hi every one;One of the difficult things for me is talking or writing about traditional customs and (paying) attention to them, because as we know tradition gives (is giving, we use present continuous for activities that are happening these days) its place to modernity every day more than the day before! So the traditional customs are going to be pale and more luxury (you need adjective luxurious).But some of them that there were (existed) or maybe nowadays some of them there are (exist) as my mother says: on henna night bride and groom paint each others hand with henna because they believe that henna is a sign of heaven and they paint to make a promise with each other that they will be with (unnecessary) together until death time.After brides making up for wedding party the groom shouldn’t see the bride face and when he wanted (s)to look at her he should give something to (the) bride as a present. And on the wedding day in the yard, when the groom’s family wants to bring (take) their bride (home) the groom throws some red apple(s) from the roof and if singles one(unnecessary) that they (unnecessary) were in the yard could take them they believe that after that they will marriage (marriage is a noun, marry). Also there were (unnecessary)lots of chocolates that they were throwing them up of ( you need passive here, that are thrown up) bride and grooms head, so the children were (are) so happy for getting so many sweaty (sweets) and chocolate.After that when they want to go to the groom’s home in front of the door their family put a saucer and some water in it and they should break it. They believe that they will have a lucky life. Also (do not repeat connecting words, use a variety, like; furthermore, in addition...) for the first time that they came from door they believe that (make this passive and place after also: it is believed that) which one of them (who ever) put her or his foot on other one’s, her or him (his) words will work in whole of their life, so the bride tries to be that one!!! They are some that my mum said and also some that when I was younger I was sawing (witnessed)!!!Each area has got its special custom and for every one that sees them for the first time is very interesting and I love to see so many different and interesting customs if I can!.

fatima said...
We have found lots of same idea (we have a lot in common) about life, people, studying, etc. During thirty months, She’s (has been) the best friend that I have. I met her in university for the first time, she looked very silent (quiet) and kind person but after a time being with her, I understood that she is a noisy and busy one and also she doesn’t speak a lot when there are lots of people, she prefer to be silent.She loves studying and insists on continuing it. She thinks that she has not enough time but she will try to reading (unnecessary) books, magazines and watching TV if she has leisure time.She was born in 1366 in (0n the ) seventeenth of Tir. she is the fourth children (child) and the last one. Sara has one sister and two brothers and all of them are married, they have three grandchildren now she lives in a house with her parents. She thinks that they have a big family but she loves all of them especially her parent(s) and younger brother.from the beginning she loves writing, and when she was nineteen years old she started doing calligraphy and she was the best but cause of her major she couldn’t continue it as well (good) as she wants," doing calligraphy gives me some especial calmness".when she was the freshman in university she had a problem with her subject so she loose (lost) her confidence for some month during this problem she was in an institute that (and) she was very unsatisfied with it and all these things helped her to be more sad during those days, they were the worst days in her life, but after a time one of her masters gave back her confidence by giving a project to her and after that she lives with more confidence and she is more successful now.Any thing can not (Nothing can) prevent her from trying, she has so many goals for the future, she wants to study hard for MS exam to pass it and she tries a lot.She is regret because (one of her biggest regrets is) she did not leave the institute sooner than that, and also she is regret because (regrets) she stopped learning English about two years.


fatima said...
Hi my dears,First I should say that my trip however short is nice. I know that you are missing me! I can understand you very well!!!!!!!!! I can be in others shoes very well! You know me, I’m sure!As I promised you I should give you some news about my trip and how it is!I have very nice time with my family, after some busy time and problems that I had in university that's a good situation to leave all of tiredness that I had and I’ll come back with full energy to enjoy my summer as good as possible! I hope so!However I have a fantastic time but I miss all of you and English. Please believe me my nice teacher and my nice friends.But about the story I should say:That is what I think about it most of the time! As all of us know all of us (we all) have some problems in our life which we suffer from them, and when we face them the first things that refer to our mind are that god had forgotten us and doesn’t love us (any) more. Yes the story is fantastic! The first time and the first person that said was last year one of our best masters.When we are disappointed we can (pay) attention to this point. My nice dears: that’s enough we think if god wants to not open the doors which we are facing them (unnecessary) at that time there wouldn’t be any door and instead of them would be all walls!!!!Sometimes that I think I ask myself that why god carries some ones all the time? That’s the question that refers to my mind mostly! Maybe that is a secret between god and his loves!Finally I should say I will be glad to come back and see you again as soon as possible!Have a nice time without the noisiest and ... one!I take that place empty that what you yourself have in your heart put there!!!!Your sincerely

Hi Homa
Not much to say about your writing! you have made unbelievable progress! a good second language writer! and I must thank you for being active during this term... you posted your writing even though you were not in Ardebil!

Homa said...
A Jewish person’s traditional wedding .I want to say a little thing (unnecessary) about Jewish people’s customs in wedding ceremony. All of them put a kind of hat like ours; we call them skull-cap. Two mothers bring the bride by taking her hands. They place bride and groom on different chairs and then put into a cloth and throw up above. Before dinner the bride’s parents talk about her childhood, her especially ( an adjective here) behavior and good memory and so do groom’s parents!All the time a clergyman is singing. (you could have said a bit more here for example about how they continue and how it finishes) I’ll post some photos of their wedding in my blog for eager readers!!
July 15, 2008 11:58 AM

Homa said...
One of our traditional customs in wedding ceremony, when the bride is going to go to groom’s house one of his male families close her waist with a red ribbon(I don't know why red) by singing a song to confirm on ( unnecessary, no preposition for confirm) her honestly and loyalty and wishing more sons and less daughter?!?!?!for them.People said ( say) they close the bride’s waist to be strong in tolerating the difficulties!!!!!!!Unfortunately we have missed our nice tradition and culture so are puzzled between traditional and modernism.What should we do?
July 15, 2008 2:28 PM

Homa said...
My dear classmate's biography!She is the oldest child in her family and the youngest one in our English class, who grew up with her sisters in a house in Ardebil with girlish atmosphere.Her family’s encouragement about her achievements in English class caused (her) to continue that, so she will be the best one if she wants!Although she has complained about her mother’s cooking and (has been displeased by (with)being alone at home because of her mother’s job, she‘s entirely satisfied from (with)her life and has a good memory from her childhood.The most important event that suffered (she has suffered or you can say has bothered her) her is her mother’s serious illness 5 years ago. fortunately she is better now!(She is) a romantic and self confident girl who likes to talk a lot about lovely things.In my opinion she has heard some things about her beauties so believes every body should like her, especially boys!!!!!!She spends a lot of her times for watching movies, talking with friends and shopping.We witness her ability in speaking English and doing make up skillfully. She also accepts (perceives) herself as a good painter, good dancer and a good singer.

Homa said...
MY LORD!!!!!I can certainly say he (or she?) loves me very much, because I don’t disturb him with more asking (requests)!He always helps me because I don’t want more things from him!I don’t want him to prepare some good things for me, I want him to prevent of happening bad events for me (bad happenings for me)!I don’t forget him when I’m happy and satisfied!I don’t remember him only in my sadness and neediness!I feel his presence much especially when I’m alone!I ‘m aware on (of) my weaknesses and faults in my failure, He’s not guilty!I believe my abilities and positive points, he just watches me and I am thankful to him!I don’t bother him to carry me; a lot of people are badly in need of him!Best wishes


Hi sara
Read my feedback for fatemeh

sara said...
When I was seeing her that (I thought) she is (very) self-confident for the first time that we see (saw) each other in university. most of the time I was thinking that she is a little selfish girl (unnecessary) but by (unnecessary)the days (passed and )we see (realized) that our way is the same and we get (got) friend for the first with this excuse and I understood vice versa she is very kind and friendly. As she is self confident but sometimes she looks very ashamed. By the time we had seen that we are in common about some things(we have a lot in common). So that is nice for both of us that we have same idea and ideals(unnecessary) about some thing. As she is very noisy and playful girl but she loves studying as well. Being successful is very important for her.
She was born in 1365 in (on the) 27th of Dey month. She is the third children in their family and has a younger sister and two older brothers. She loves them and everything that she has or she can get she believes that she is owing (owes)to her parents. She can’t imagine living without her family. The clear thing that always is in her mind is their old house with a big yard in her childhood. ‘The pear tree with delicious taste is the thing that I can remember clearly.’ she says.
She is very good in math. She is so optimistic and that’s why sometimes I be suspicious to her because she is happy even though (when) something happening for her badly (bad happens for her). And her positive energy is one of my interest things about her( the things that I like about her).She has got two regrets in her life one is (that) she trusts to (ed) one of her teacher that she believes she shouldn’t (have)1 and other is not going (to) English class earlier. And the persons who were also are(unnecessary) her key influences persons (unnecessary) in her life are her dad and one of her masters. She thinks if she is successful in her life that’s what she had learnt from her patterns. She tries to be very successful in her major and the thing that she is worry (worries) about it is have to leaving English and forgetting the thing that she had learnt.I know you know her better because she is very kind and also noisiest one. I love her.

1. it is about past so you need to say she shouldn’t have trusted= she shouldn’t have



sara said...

Hi dear teacheras you know, mankind loves changing as he/she progresses ,and his brain progresses as passing (with the) time.some of (unnecessary) people do not love things that the ancientpeople has done them in the past so they want to change them,and time help them to do well.now some of our traditional customs go to pale ,and we are responsible and we must prevent of (unnecessary) this happening although some of these customs are not true (superstitious). one of Ardebil's traditional wedding custom is throwing the apple toward bride.the custom is like this:the groom goes up to the roof with an apple in his hand, then he throw the apple toward bride. the person who take the apple(because he wants to protect the bride from injuring)gives all of the money that he has in his pocket to the bride.
Another custom that it was very exiting to me when I heard it was renting a bath for some hours by bride's family. before hens night in the morning the bride's family take her to the bath that is rend (rented) before,and all of them cooperate to wash the bride, after bathing that night they have the party called hens night that all of young girls is (are) invited to that party. (Here you need to say something about your feelings or ideas do not leave your wiring uncompleted)


HI Parisa your writing is full of emotions always but short. you were active in other blogs but not here!?
However, you have accuracy in your writing!
cheers

Parisa-KM said...
This real story effected me. I have experienced it a lot in my life and I really believe it.The last time Lord carried me and I felt (it) was in my first lecture in front of my classmates and my master.(specially males)Before that I was really embarrassed and stressful. I wanted my god to help me and (I) trusted to (unnecessary)him. From the begining till (the) end I forgot the audiences! I really felt I was in the sky!!!

Hi Bahar feedback on your only writing
bahar said...
This is nice but the only one that I got from you during the term!
What a thoughtful story.O' Lord you are with us but most of the time we forgot forget you.Yes we have a lord that every time is with us.We should remember that always 1 we (always) have something in our heart that we just say to our lord always he (always) listens to us carefully.In every stressful situation we directly go to our lord and he gives us a succor in distress.But I wonder how many of us remember our lord in happiness?????????However he is with us and helps.He was (has) carried me a lot and I want to say that thanks to be god for everything.
1. Remember to use adverbs of frequency before the main verb.
Anonymous said...
how much is the god kind. we know that god is very near to us. my grandmother say(s) beautiful sentences about it "god is more near (to us) than (the) distance between eyebrow and eye "she said. we can touch our god when we be (are) in troubles and suffering. he help(s) us in spite of we sometimes forget him don’t do his order well.afsaneh




laaya said...
This story gives me a nice and safe feeling. it remind(s) me God who always is always with us and he supports his slaves and likes them. this story shows a special item. Meet between men and Lord happened in dream. Yeah its very nice when we can be closer to God that we be far from immaterialities. we don’t forget God. just God is not feel (felt)1 by busy mind. Laaya


1. hi laaya, You need passive here. and thank you Laaya, very interesting but very short!?!